It's been quite some time. :)
I just came back from traveling. Went to Singapore and Bali, Indonesia care of my very generous single aunt. More on that on another entry. I want it to contain pictures. :)
Have you ever known, deep within you, that you need to do something, that it is what you really want to do but you just can't do it? Often, our fear and insecurities hold us back from what God wants to give us. I heard this story about a guy so many times now, and everytime I hear it, I always go away feeling sad, fearful, and weirdly hopeful. The story goes like this: There was a man who is touring heaven. In his wanderings, he came upon a door. When he opened it, he saw that there were mountainous piles of wrapped gifts inside. He shook his head in wonder and asked God, "Father, whose are these unopened gifts?" The Lord answered, "These were the blessings that I wanted to give you." The man looked at God, confused. "Why didn't you give it to me?" "Because," the Lord answered, "You never asked."
Yes, often, we are paralyzed by our fears and insecurities. As a result, we block the good things God wants to give us. Have you ever stopped and looked at these fears? I have. I just discovered that the fears that were holding me back are centered on me.
Can I really do it? What if I was wrong, and I'll only be a disappointment or a laughingstock if I take this risk? Am I good enough?
See? It seemed to be all about me. I turned to God and asked Him for a lot of things to help me overcome my fear. Thing is, I was so focused worrying about me, about my limitations and fears, that I didn't realize that He has already given me the answer: It's not about me. Of course, I am majorly affected, but every decision is bigger than me and I really need not be afraid. Because do you know what's bigger than that life changing decision? Do you know what's bigger than life itself? Its Creator, our Father, the one who stands by our side, just waiting for us to put our faith in Him.
Today, I'm deciding, once again, to put my faith in Him. I don't know how it's going to happen. I do pray it won't be ugly. I don't know if I can overcome this fear asap. It's too deeply entangled with my view of myself - which is admittedly sorely lacking and filled with limitations at the moment. However, I will fight it. I will overcome. I acknowledge my weaknesses, but I also acknowledge my Lord and Savior. If he says I can do it, who am I to say no?
PRAYER
Dear God, thank you. Thank you for the weaknesses in me, which makes me dependent on you. Thank you for helping me see you amidst all my internal and external dramas. Father God, I am afraid. I was afraid. Now, I know I shouldn't be anymore. Like a Father who has been allowed back to their troubled teen's life, I know you'll do the most wonderful things for my good and for your glory. Lord God, I am inexperienced, not exactly well off, and has a quite low belief on myself right now. Nevertheless, you love me and you have made me for a purpose. I pray that I will be able to fulfill that purpose Lord. Right now I feel that I can do the most good through my writing. I'm not trained, but it is not about me, is it? It's about you. And you are the one who gives us the inspiration and the ability. I trust you Lord. You are bigger than everything. I trust in your love and mercy. Father, thank you. I love you.
No comments:
Post a Comment