Funny. I've never felt as decided as I feel now. I've never felt like this too after a scolding - I want to change and do better so God will not be shamed. Honestly, it seems as though after letting go of this job in my heart, I am more open to disregarding what the people think about me. Instead, what they will think about God because of my actions is more important. I think this is a better motivation than myself. God has been very good to me and I don't want to let Him down.
PRAYER
Dear God, thank you for this day. I got tired, but it's what life is. It's what being human entails. I'm just sad because I don't feel fulfilled. And I let you down. Father God, forgive me for my incompetence. I was selfish and irresponsible. I ask for your mercy and understanding. I will do what I can to make it right. Lord God, I am doing this for you. I am no longer up to it, but I want to uphold your name while I'm here. Father, please be with me as I strive to accomplish everything excellently. You are my strength, my Source, my Rock. Please continue to be with me.
I just came back from traveling. Went to Singapore and Bali, Indonesia care of my very generous single aunt. More on that on another entry. I want it to contain pictures. :)
Have you ever known, deep within you, that you need to do something, that it is what you really want to do but you just can't do it? Often, our fear and insecurities hold us back from what God wants to give us. I heard this story about a guy so many times now, and everytime I hear it, I always go away feeling sad, fearful, and weirdly hopeful. The story goes like this: There was a man who is touring heaven. In his wanderings, he came upon a door. When he opened it, he saw that there were mountainous piles of wrapped gifts inside. He shook his head in wonder and asked God, "Father, whose are these unopened gifts?" The Lord answered, "These were the blessings that I wanted to give you." The man looked at God, confused. "Why didn't you give it to me?" "Because," the Lord answered, "You never asked."
Yes, often, we are paralyzed by our fears and insecurities. As a result, we block the good things God wants to give us. Have you ever stopped and looked at these fears? I have. I just discovered that the fears that were holding me back are centered on me. Can I really do it? What if I was wrong, and I'll only be a disappointment or a laughingstock if I take this risk? Am I good enough?
See? It seemed to be all about me. I turned to God and asked Him for a lot of things to help me overcome my fear. Thing is, I was so focused worrying about me, about my limitations and fears, that I didn't realize that He has already given me the answer: It's not about me. Of course, I am majorly affected, but every decision is bigger than me and I really need not be afraid. Because do you know what's bigger than that life changing decision? Do you know what's bigger than life itself? Its Creator, our Father, the one who stands by our side, just waiting for us to put our faith in Him.
Today, I'm deciding, once again, to put my faith in Him. I don't know how it's going to happen. I do pray it won't be ugly. I don't know if I can overcome this fear asap. It's too deeply entangled with my view of myself - which is admittedly sorely lacking and filled with limitations at the moment. However, I will fight it. I will overcome. I acknowledge my weaknesses, but I also acknowledge my Lord and Savior. If he says I can do it, who am I to say no?
PRAYER
Dear God, thank you. Thank you for the weaknesses in me, which makes me dependent on you. Thank you for helping me see you amidst all my internal and external dramas. Father God, I am afraid. I was afraid. Now, I know I shouldn't be anymore. Like a Father who has been allowed back to their troubled teen's life, I know you'll do the most wonderful things for my good and for your glory. Lord God, I am inexperienced, not exactly well off, and has a quite low belief on myself right now. Nevertheless, you love me and you have made me for a purpose. I pray that I will be able to fulfill that purpose Lord. Right now I feel that I can do the most good through my writing. I'm not trained, but it is not about me, is it? It's about you. And you are the one who gives us the inspiration and the ability. I trust you Lord. You are bigger than everything. I trust in your love and mercy. Father, thank you. I love you.
Lord, you are the only one that I need. Everything I need is You Lord, for you are my life. You are my Shepherd, Father, Provider, Protector, and Lord. Oh Lord God, you are always with us, and you fill our cups to overflowing even though we don't really deserve it all. Thank you Lord. Thank you for your infinite love, wisdom, and mercy. You alone know the world, the workings of time, and more things than we can imagine. You are everything we need Father, to live fully and meaningfully. Guide us Lord. Please.
I know what you might be thinking: "What is the world coming to?"
However, the question I would like to pose to you is this: "Where were you when all this happened?"
Often we get so caught up with our lives that we forget to check on the people around us. There have been many times when I'll hear that someone I know of - possibly an acquaintance, a friend, or a family member - loses their way. When this happens, most people go to their default mode: self-righteousness mode. They begin to cluck their tongues at the person, judge the person, gossip about the peson, in concerned tones of course. See the similarites between these people and the self-righteous pharisees who nailed Jesus to the cross?
Here's a song which aptly unfolds this recurring story:
So never ever turn your back on someone, or even wait for someone to go to you. Those who need us normally keep to themselves, either because of shyness or angst. Whatever it is, reach out before it's too late. And if you failed to reach out before and they fell, please... be one of the people who'll help them up.
May God empower us to help someone today! God bless!
Today was part of the reckoning. It may not be the last part, but it definitely is one of the greater mountains. Lord God, thank you! You really are wonderful. Father, your ways are truly unfathomable yet very amazing. You have shown your prowess and your way today. Thank you for you have saved me yet again from possible downfall. Father God, may the glory be with you oh Lord, for you are the only one who could have done all of this. I pray Lord for your praise. Thank you Father. Please continue to strengthen, protect, and keep me in the right path. Love you Lord! :)
Do you remember the typhoon I said that I am living in today? Well, this week is the reckoning.
God has proven his faithfulness and prowess from the beginning of this week. He presented a solution nobody would've thought could happen. How wonderful our God is! Only He could have done what happened. Only He could have made everything go as smoothly as that! :)
Tomorrow would be another reckoning. Some big people are going to fly in and evaluate us. The biggest challenge is to ensure that everything corresponds to what they know. I'm not perfect, and I'm probably one of the last persons to claim an amazing attention to detail. However, our God is perfect. He is wonderful and amazing. I truly believe that He will guide me to what I should do, and cause me to do all things correctly. Those people are big because of the corporate power they have, but our God is way bigger than them. They were created by Him!
When we face trials, it's so easy to fold. It's always harder to fight. But you know what? When you have Him, and trust in Him, you can win the fight. Our God can do anything, and He has his ways. Believe and Trust. He will always make a way. Here's a video I've fallen in love with. It kept playing in the back of my mind during the second reckoning I had this Monday and provided me core strength. Thank you Lord for putting this song at the back of my mind then! :)
First of all, please forgive me for the sins I have committed. Please forgive me for being a tad irritable yesterday, thus failing to portray what a Christian should be. Lord God, today, I pray for your provision Father. I pray that you would guide me and ensure that everything will be correct, will be smooth tomorrow. I lift all of this up to you,Oh Lord. You alone can resolve this in your own unique way. Father God, please do not let us be put to shame. Instead, I pray that whatever I do would glorify You, my Lord. Lastly, thank you. Thank you for your loving presence that has been guiding and protecting me in this typhoon. Thank you for the ways you have opened and the hearts you have molded. Thank you, Oh Lord, for you have caused people to want to help me, and you have caused me to be able to not only live through this, but to excel and glorify your name in the process. Father God, thank you and I love you!
Have you ever, in your entire life, gone through a time when you felt so down, so beaten, so lost, that the only thought that kept repeating in your mind was: Please let this end, please... Then, when that didn't work or the situation just became worse, that popular question infiltrates your mind: God, why are You, the Almighty, letting this happen to me?
The truth is, I've asked that same question lots of times. I've even come to a point when I thought, "This isn't working. It's not making the sorrows and hardship go away. Maybe there is no God. Maybe I'm believing in the wrong teachings." And so I tried other things. I tried letting go of Jesus, because doubts were gnawing in my mind about him. What if He was only human, and not God's son after all? I tried believing in saints of certain things and prayed their novenas for passing, safety, etc. I even tried going into witchcraft.
How Satan gleefully enters when the vessel is filled with cobwebs of doubt and despair! It's so easy to fall into the wrong things. It's so easy to be swayed in one's belief, especially with the tiniest waver!
Having passed many storms, and even typhoons, in my life, I know that it's hard to see God in the midst of the chaos and pain. I know that there are lots of others out there who have suffered much more than I have so far, and if you have kept with God through it all, then I salute you. I am very proud and happy for you. *hug* On the other hand, for those who are currently suffering, floundering in an ocean of negativity and unhappiness, I would like to share with you what I learned to be the answer to the question bugging you now: Why is God letting us suffer? Why are you suffering even when you believe in Him?
Let me ask you this: When you were happy. When there were no storms in your life, did you turn to God everyday? Did you remember Him, not just as an obligatory hello before you close your day, but as your Lord and Father with whom you can share a precious moment with? Sometimes, God gives us a nudge when we're lost. When we don't listen, God has no choice but to give us a hard pull just to be able to save us and bring us back. When faced with mountain-like trials, remember that you are not alone. God is letting it happen to you because of one reason that encompasses it all: He loves all of us.
Ok now you think I'm crazy. God lets me suffer because He loves us??? What??? I know right? It sounds crazy. However, thinking back, every storm I have faced has constantly served two things:
1. It brought me closer to Him. Sometimes, it brought me back. I was lost, and that storm guided me back.
2. It served as a lesson to me, which I can use to relate to others, help them overcome their own storms and hopefully introduce them or bring them closer to the wonderful Lord who loves and protects.
Every time I weather a storm with God, I come out stronger, wiser, more whole. I have already known long ago that God always has a purpose for the things happening in our lives, but I have only come to fully understand and embrace it after my most recent typhoon, which is still actually pending resolution. But you know what? I'm not afraid or hopeless. I'm not perfect, and I'm not saying that I am 100% sure of myself or that I'm 100% comfortable with what is about to happen. No. I'm also besieged with worry sometimes. My gut twisted and butterflies panicked in my stomach just recently because of this storm. I feel that I'm currently in the eye of the storm, and soon it will be chaos. But there's something different this time around. This time, I'm sure I have God. I believe wholeheartedly that He is with me, and that whatever will happen, it will be for the good. Our God is merciful, and He will not forsake those who call on Him with heart, mind, and soul open. Remember that. Especially when facing your storm. He loves you. He loves you. And He lets you weather that particular storm for your good. Don't panic -- He's just always with You and He'll never let you fall.
Here is a video of the song I always listen to when faced with life's challenges. Hope it gives you the understanding, strength, and encouragement you need as you overcome your storm.
It was the age of happy meals, imagination, and superheroes. It was so easy then to trust in God and put our lives wholeheartedly in His hands. He was God, and in that simple and innocent stage, we were wiser than we are now because we knew, without a doubt, that as God, He can really do anything, and as Father, He loves us enough to actually listen and answer.
I remember one particular incident then, when my family was in chaos. Everyone seemed angry or hurt. There was a lot of crying, shouting, and drama. As a child, I saw it as a possible breaking point for the family. There was a very real possibility that the whole family will be broken and will live with hate or bitterness their entire lives. At the time, I didn't know the difference between Catholic, Christian, Muslim, or Buddhist. There was only one thing clear to me: I had a Father who was all powerful, and who loved each one of us. I prayed then. I prayed like most children probably do, just with more fervor and more belief in my heart than ever. There was a desperation at the edge of my pleas, and a cry behind my "Our Father". (Yes, lots of times I was speaking the "Our Father" while my heart and brain was imploring God and reaching out to Him about the plight of my family.)
It was wonderful. After some time, God caused steel hearts to be melted, and my family came back together. When you ask them now, they'll tell you that we weathered that storm on our own; that fortunate events helped heal that gash. But I tell you it was much more than that. There was a Hand which caused everything to happen, and it was a loving hand bent on righting everything. Why did I have to go through that? The answer is similar to one of people's favorite question: Why do we have to suffer? (I'll post a fresh entry about this topic. ;) ) Because without that, I wouldn't have been able to share with you this story. A story which proved that God listens and takes actions.
